Christmas through the years has been difficult, but has been filled with it's own special memories just like every Christmas has before. The ones since Kayla's death have lost something, which I have been afraid to share until now. But at Christmas service, at church Ed Schwartz our elder spoke about how Christmas was lost its meaning to him or maybe more like it doesn't quit have the same spark it had once before his son's accident. See his son had a serious accident and spent a lot of time in hospital around Christmas and that was very draining on Ed and he somewhat felt alone not saying that the prayers and love and support of friends and family but you do somewhat feel alone no matter what and it just can not be helped in that circumstance. I feel it was very brave of him to admit this. But then it helps me to be able to tell you that I have these same feelings. It is so hard to celebrate the birth of Christ when you have the a sick child or like me a death of a child. But then I try to remember that Christ was in a perfect home and He left that home in Heaven for me and... my child. To come to a world of sin and darkness. And my child is with him now in that perfect home. That is why I do love to celebrate Easter most of all, even though is the last holiday I spent with Seth and Kayla. It is a day to celebrate life a new beginnings to me. I look at Christmas as memories and looking into the past and that is hard. Because then I look at what might have been if... And that is even harder. Looking at old Christmas pictures of Kayla, seeing how much she enjoyed being with family. Her smile so big, you can almost hear her laughter through the pages. How much she appreciated each and every gift she received and she was also a very giving child. Now, she had the magic and love for Christmas in her heart. Matter of fact, she probably had enough for everyone around her. Jesus love was defiantly in her soul. She new the Christmas story very well and new where it ended up at (at the cross). This was a lot from her own studying of the Bible. She loved to read and then talk about it with me. It sure was heart warming for me to have such a young child so interested in the Bible. Sometimes I wandered if God was preparing her, so she would not be frightened when she meet the angles. Because, I want to tell something. In the spot where the firemen found Kayla,
it was not burt and she was not, but everything around her was black and melted and chard. I believe, no I know, there was an Angel there with her. Protecting her and leading her Home to the Heavenly Father, and if she had not read so much maybe she would have been afraid. Because a lot of times in the Bible when people would see an Angel they would be afraid and I feel that the Lord did not want Kayla to be afraid since she was a child. He loves children, He wants us all to come to Him like little children and not be afraid.