Kayla's pregnancy was pretty normal except for a few extra trips to the hospital for false labor. I was some what nervous and maybe over concerned, but the doctor was understanding of it. She was born healthy and full term on July 12th, 1990. She had blue eyes and alot of black hair with a blonde spot in the back, which added to her personality. She was a very calm and good baby. She slept the whole night the first night home and then on. She was grew into a very happy girl. She always had a smile for everyone and her laughter and song filled the air at home. I sure do miss hearing those sounds through the house. She also played the flute which was like hearing a bird singing in the morning. She was well liked by many which was apparent upon her death. I was over whelmed by all the support we received. God was faithful. Kayla was an avaide reader. She did very well in school even though some girls chose to pick on her. She continued to read daily in her Bible and always "Let her Light shine". Pslasm was a favorite book of hers. She found it to up lifting. She would sometimes come to me with questions about it. She was very artistic and enjoyed doing many crafts. She was always wanting to please you., and was very helpful. God had given me a wonderful gift even if it was for just for such a short time. I thank Him for such a wonderful Blessing everyday!
Then just in just a few 14 months along came another wonderful Blessing from God. Johnathan! He was born on September 24th, 1991. It was a perfect little family , a wonderful little girl and special little boy. John had a little more energy than Kayla but he did not speak much for himself. Kayla did all his talking for him and if you wanted to know what was going on with John in his life you needed to ask Kayla. Because Johnathan would not share with you. John did not have many friends. He mainly kept to himself. Johnathan is very gifted in school. He sometimes chose not to apply himself, but he could do it if he tried. I know I am his mom and you might think I am bias but he is very talented, a writer and musician. Troy and I were very blessed to have such wonderful bright children. I sometimes think maybe we were being greedy by wanting more children, since God had given us two gifts already. Because my next two pregnancy were miscarriages. They were both happened in the first trimester. The doctor suggested us not to get pregnant again because we possible would have some kind of birth defect and that is why I was having so many miscarriages. Because at this point I have had 4. But before we could decide what to do I became pregnant. This time it was all going well, but at about 5 months I felt something was wrong. So on my appointment I begged for a ultra sound, since at that time Troy and I did not have insurance, the doctor did not want to give me one. Finally after some crying and me telling him I was not leaving until he gave me one he scheduled one right away that day. Troy was able to come in right away he brought Kayla and Johnathan with him we thought they would enjoy seeing the baby. Kayla was 5 and John was 4. They were very excited to finally see the baby they were real good pictures for that time. You could see she was a girl and when Johnathan said hi to her she waved back. That made it very special to him. He has a very sensitive heart. But then a couple of days later a call came and the hospital said they had made an appt. for us at IU woman center in Indy, IN I was confused the doctor did not say any about this or that there was anything wrong. I wanted an explaination. What was going on.? Well they said that doctor down at IU would explain what they were going to do. What? I was confused? This was my baby you were talking about. But they would not tell me anything. So the next morning I went down to Indy. We sat in the waiting room wandering what was going to happen? The nurse came in and said " Well, we first will come in here in get a look at the baby before going into surgery." What? then she was just as surprised as we were that we had not been informed what was going on. So she said she would contact the doctor there and see what he wanted to do. He ended up coming in talking to us after a long wait. He had called our doctor in Bluffton and yelled at him for not informing us. This was a very invasive prosedure. They had planned on going into the uterus and turning her heart to unplug a valve that was being pinch because her heart was tilted and repearing a hole in her heart which was large if possible., or they might have to leave that go until after birth. When they did the ultra sound in Bluffton she had seemed to be developing a good and strong rate. with everything that was wrong she was doing very well. The doctor at IU said they just needed our consent and they would go ahead with it. He explain all that could go wrong and everything and we said ok it was worth it to go ahead. So first he said we need to have an ultra sound to determin where he exactly he was going to enter and what all he needed to do and how it all looked. But when the nurse was looking at Sierra Sky she got that look which I had had became to filimiliar with. She turned the screen way from us and said she needed to get the doctor. and of course the doctor returned and had that dreaded words your daughter has died. It had only been within an couple of hours or so he said. I do not know if I wanted to know that or not. I slowly got dressed after the shock of just what happened passed. They gave us a choose whether or not to deliver her there or to drive back to Bluffton and deliver. This was on a Thursday, so we decided to go to Bluffton. Troy wanted to be close to family and friends. I am more of a loner so I just wanted to stay there and get it over with. It would have been a lot easier on me if we did stay in Indy because when we got back to Bluffton the doctor said he would not do it until Monday. So I had to carry my baby which had died another 4 days. That also made a more difficult delivery. I was very sick during labor and would not stop bleeding and my blood pressure dropped. It was close. We had a small funeral for her. I was able to hold her. She had all her fingers and toes. her fingers were so long and tiny and sometimes think that maybe she may have been a great piano player. She had the start of a little black hair in back if she went full term I am sure she would have had a lot. At the grave side it was so hard to leave such a little soul just wrapped in a blanket , but then I had to watch my brave little son Johnathan clinging to stay beside to grave side. He was holding onto his big brother's stone (Seth's). He did not want to leave he said he did not get to say good bye we never took him or Kayla to the hospital to see her. Now we know we should of. She was real to them and there sister. She had said hi to them by waving at them and they never got to wave good bye. That weighs heavy on my heart. We all need to remember that we need to include the children in the grieving process too. Their hearts are maybe more sensitive to it more than us. Our lives are made up of rules . Unfortunately, few of us are ever taught how to grieve. Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
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